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By Paul Detroit
GWAR was one of the first bands I was ever into, and I jumped at the chance to interview the brash 7 ft. tall alien rockstars…
Paul of Noize: I have a question for you, “Sleazy do you really know GWAR?
Sleazy P: (Sleazy hesitates and gives his trademarked Asshole look) “Yeah I know GWAR, I’m their Fucking Manager.” I jumped through the hoop for you F*****, now what?
Paul of Noize: So Sleazy what’s up with all of these hipsters? Does GWAR have any plans for them? Will GWAR do us all a favor and start thinning hipsters herds?
Sleazy P: I’ll tell you something, if I see another waxed handlebar mustache, if I see another fucking barrel in the ear…I’m gonna do nothing. Cause you can’t stop them frankly. Hipster is just another word for well, for something else that was before, and what was that? “F****”. It’s all F****; it all refers back to f*****, hipster , punk, rocker whatever. F*****. Just save everyone a lot of time and rename them all f*****.
Blöthar: He’s trying to roll things back 25 years.
Sleazy P: And I can’t because my memory is shot.
Blóthar: One thing I’ve noticed is there is too many men wearing women’s pants here that makes me angry.
Sleazy P: You mean I’ve been ogling men’s butts? Damn!!! I like a guy in Spanx.
Paul of Noize: What’s the bloodiest show GWAR has ever done?
Sleazy P: The bloodiest show we’ve ever done, who wants to take that one, Blothar?
Blöthar: I haven’t done any shows I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Sleazy P: We just dug him up we had Dr. Richard Leaky (Dr. Dick Leaky) go down to Antarctica and find his ass. He was buried in the freezer like chicken pot pies, 4 for a buck. He’s not the same as Oderus.
Paul of Noize: What’s your favorite memory of Oderus?
Jizmak Da Gusher: The part where he’s owes me money still, or the part where he fucked everybody’s girlfriends. Which part? There’s too many.
Pustulus Maximus: There was a good time when we had a pool in the fucking club in Milwaukee called “The rave.” We did a line of strippers on a mound of Coke that was some shit you only do once in your life man.
Sleazy P: What kind of band are you in, only once? That’s lame!!
Sleazy P: I do that every night.
Beefcake The Mighty: He bought me a corndog once-that was nice, good memories.
Paul of Noize: Over the years what is your favorite kill you’ve had at your show.
Sleazy P: All politicians all celebrities they all kind of meld into one, but the Justin Bieber that we eviscerated recently on tour gave me a lot of satisfaction.
Beefcake the Mighty: It happens to have been really popular.
Sleazy P: That’s one less fuck face that will be gobbling up record sales in front of my boys.
Paul of Noize: Who won out in terms of getting whacked the most? The Pope or George Bush?
Sleazy P: That’s a good question. The Pope has been reoccurring frequently but George Bush lasted only eight years but people really seem to enjoy George Bush getting whacked. But not as much as Obama. You know when we whacked Obama we got absolutely noooo coverage from the liberal media, ohhhh but kill Sarah Palin and they’re all over it. They got links here and there. MSNBC-it’s not fair.
Pustulus Maximus: We gotta Fucking stop Obama before he stops ISIS hahaha.
Sleazy P: There’s a liberal bias to our killing and we have to do something about it.
Pustulus Maximus: Thanks Obama.
Jizmak Da Gusha: Old News!! Talk about me, talk about us.
Paul of Noize: What do you want to tell me about yourself?
Jizmak Da Gusha: I’m here to destroy Chicago at Riot Fest, nobody’s going to miss you people you have a high crime rate anyways.
Paul of Noize: Sounds good to me.
Jizmak Da Gusha: Ask a good fucking question!!!!
Paul of Noize: Ok, why is GWAR playing in Grand Rapids and not Detroit? (Gwar later released additional shows for their fall tour, and Detroit was one of them. This will be Gwar’s 11th show at Harpo’s, and they will be joined by American Sharks and Corrosion of Conformity.)
GWAR: We’ve already killed Detroit. It’s destroyed . Hahaha we’ve already Fucked that place up.
Paul of Noize: You have two people here that you haven’t killed yet.
Blöthar: Detroit’s a shit hole.
Pustulus Maximus: So is Grand Rapids.
Paul of Noize: Grand Rapids is a real shit hole.
Sleazy P: Nah Detroit’s our kinda town.
Beefcake the Mighty: I want to go where they make the cereal.
Sleazy P: Battle Creek!!!
Jizmak Da Gusha: Captain Crunch!!
Paul of Noize: So what is The direction of GWAR now?
Blöthar: Downwards, it’s a free fall from here straight to the bottom.
Sleazy P: We are going to work really hard to become a worthy tribute band of ourselves.
Blöthar: WE’RE GOING TO BE THE BEST DAMN GWAR COVER BAND THAT EVER LIVED!!!
Paul of Noize: Has there ever been a show that was stopped and GWAR wasn’t able to finish the show?
Jizmak Da Gusha: Oh boy here we go.
Sleazy P: Athens, North Carolina what else?
Balsac The Jaws of Death: Those are painful memories you’re digging up here, painful memories you’re digging up.
Blöthar: Well I dreamed that the band was stopped while performing in Charlotte North Carolina.
Jizmak Da Gusha: That wasn’t a dream.
Blöthar: No it wasn’t and Oderus’s penis (The Cuttlefish of Cthulhu) was confiscated by the police, forming the basis of the Grammy nominated Rock movie film show. “Phallus in wonderland.”
Sleazy P: (laughs doubling over) All right let’s uhh wrap that story up.
Blöthar: Come on I’m done man.
Paul of Noize: Alright, well thanks guys.
Jizmak Da Gusha: The pleasure is all yours.